Thursday, November 18, 2010

Everything's aight

Yay. Besides the new managers at work being TOTALLY psycho, meh... xD Can't complain.

Although I WOULD like full-time at work D:< gnnrrr

Friday, October 22, 2010

Something still..

...isn't quite right. While my mother has gotten a job, I still feel antsy. I feel like I can't discuss it with anyone because anyone I know in person would not understand? I don't know how to feel... All I know for sure is that I have to keep working at least 5 days a week in order to get rent together. It'll be the only thing that will keep me sane.

So what about now - when you feel like something is wrong, and you know it's wrong... even when you don't know how to explain it either? That while you try to grow and try to understand yourself more, as to what makes you the person you are.. and people don't get you either?

Maybe trying to rectify old ties really is pointless. Rho, I miss you honey, but you don't even call me anymore, and it's hurting. At least just tell me you're okay - and reply to my letters.

It's beginning to come to the point where I think I just need a break... and a break is simple what I can't afford at the time. I wonder when things will be alright again - even if I try to make amends, try to reach out to people. I don't understand.

Damien - thanks for fucking me up, seriously. When my parents split 11 years ago, I should have chose mum to live with. I at least would have been more social, would understand people - I would have completed highschool and I would most likely have my dream job.

I just felt the need to rant here. And no one's there.. so. Aren't these things used for this kind of thing? I hate feeling this way. I hate being stressed. :(

Monday, October 11, 2010

In need of change right now.

So.. I've moved in with my mother now, as of the end of August. Things are not all right. My mother is jobless, my sister doesn't work and it's just basically me, bringing home the bacon, as it were to say.

Unfortunately it leaves me with little time to even think nowadays. I'm short-tempered, completely exhausted and with every other word that happens to fall out of my mouth I tend to say the wrong thing. I'm seriously looking at my life and while I'm not depressed - things are REALLY hard right now.
The fact is that we're dirt poor and living off a part-timer (with full-timer's hours)'s salary - three person family, coupled with a 1250$ monthly rent.

I'm so stressed out. I don't even want to talk about work. I want them all just to blend together, hoping that one day soon mum finds a job so I can finally fucking relax. Every night I can't seem to sleep enough - even if I go to bed at 20h - and there is no other thought in my mind other than 'need to make money'.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Got my new laptop

...and giving my netbook to my mum, cuz her laptop has vista on it and she hates it. XDDDD I just have to delete all history and data on it. If she finds any yaoi crap on there, I will get odd looks for YEARS XDDDDD

So yeah, my new laptop kicks ass ;-; It has 4GB RAM & 500GB harddrive space and it runs on windows 7. The only thing I couldn't get used to for the longest time is there is no quickbar. So I had to mod the taskbar to stop those stupid thumbnail previews (regedit'd it :'D) and create my own quick-launch bar.

So now, I can livestream my entire screen without it lagging to hell ;-;

Saturday, May 15, 2010

A MISCONCEPTION.

So regarding the process of Cart Cart Revolution and the breakdown:

1. BellaRoi is the writer
2. BellaRoi is the scriptor
3. BellaRoi is the drafter (panel placement and general idea movements EX: page 6 drafted)
4. I do the line-art
5. BellaRoi colours
6. BellaRoi adds speech bubbles and sfx, etc.
7. BellaRoi uploads to smackjeeves.

D8 So uh... don't call it just my webcomic. xD cuz it's mostly hers <3 <3 <3

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I keep forgetting I have this thing D:

Probably cuz I'm not a drama-llama and don't really vent my anger anywhere unless I'm SUPER PISSED. XD

But I'm SUPER HAPPY. Wanna know why? - All of next week is a vacation for me! :D I don't get paid and will have to go hungry a little or sacrifice being late on my bills a bit for it - but you know? I'm fucking tired of working and just need to relax. There was no 'downtime' after Christmas rush in our store and it's been more than useless me having only one day off here and there. So I asked my manager to give me a week off or else I would do something I would regret like mouth-off to people or even quit. XD Cuz I'm like that when I'm stressed out.. "orz

Anyway, will be working on Cart Cart Revolution for the majority of the break which makes me happy. Working on something for 8 consecutive hours makes me feel like I've actually accomplished something instead of working slowly over the week like 3-4 hours a shot. Plus ADD time because I need mini breaks or else my hand gets all jittery and I can't draw worth shit. XD

Also I want a new laptop. Like SRSLY. This one's network card, graphics card and screen are all shot. It's just on borrowed time right now... I think I might be able to get a new one this summer because I just recently got a raise at work O_O
Wheee~

And so off I go to play some Ragnarok Online. XD Cuz I need one of those breaks...

Friday, April 2, 2010

She can get it, sh-sh-she ge-ge--et it~~

8D Kevin Rudolf is possibly the gayest sounding hot voice ever 8D And his songs are catchy - not annoying like Mika's.

Anyway, DA is not updated cuz I've been working on nothing but the webcomic in my spare time. 8D Also, working is a pain, since everyone's calling in sick. Hay Winners, why not hire something BESIDES fucking students who don't have all that time to do ANYTHING D:
Or how about hiring some men I only have like 3 guys to look at @ work 2 out of the 3 are taken asdasfsd

In any case, I have profound respect for those artists who can maintain updating their webcomics more than once a week D:>

Cart Cart Revolution!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

20 fans already like whoa.

.... over at Cart Cart Revolution D: Like when I went to bed we had like 11 fans. *cries* This is so awesome! ;_; It has to be because of the layout.

Anyways... *rolls out of bed* working hard because of several things:
1. Need passport for family reunion and possibly DA meets.
2. Need money for a healthy savings account.
3. Need to get my prescription renewed like omg I only have like 2 weeks left on this thing D: asdasfsdf.
4. Want to try sculpting some more.

Also, spring break sucked. I worked the whole time, and EVERYONE called in 'sick'. There was a day where it was like, only me as a cashier. And everyone in the lineup was busy.
Guys, just cuz it's nice outside, do me a favour and don't go shopping all at once? Go like when it's overcast and raining. You'll have shorter lineups and less people will be in the store. D:>

--

On the artsy-fartsy side of this journal, I'm getting better at line-art, I think. :'D
Tried traditional art for the first time since I got my tablet. I like this new style. :D hooray for chins!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Cleaning house

...deleting old galleries since, um... I don't even use them anymore. Like my elfwood account. and my Side7.

also working at like 800dpi it's like whoa. D: so huge.

also *bangs head on desk* i have to work the next 5 days, and in the morning of the 4th I have to go do my taxes SO CLOSE TO THE DEADLINE ARGH ARGH cuz i couldn't find a place to do them for cheaps >_> so...

ugh please let today be quick asdasfsdf D:

Friday, March 26, 2010

Launching new Webcomic!

:'D Collaborating is so much fun!

here is a link to the website. There is only the cover page for now but more are to come 8D

Will/may contain: gratuitous buttsex, male/male action, vulgar behaviour, inside jokes and Ragnarok Online references. Oh yes, and did we mention SWEARING? 8D
CART CART REVOLUTION!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

THIS IS THE SHIT I MUST FACE FROM NOW ON






GOTTA GET ME A FUCKING NEW LAPTOP.

PS: LAME DESKTOP PIC IS LAME.

CAN'T HAVE MY TRADITIONAL YAOI BITS ON THERE CUZ RANDOM VISITS FROM MOTHER END UP HORRIFYINGLY WRONG. D8

fuuuuuuuuck

I live with my landlady. Unfortunately, my landlady ALSO is a fucking MORON. She's starting all these new 'habits' that she didn't do before, under the pretext of 'forgetting'.

1: leaving telly on IN HER BEDROOM at EARDRUM-SPLITTING LEVELS. WHEN SHE'S NOT HOME. I MEAN, REALLY. CMON. The living room I understand to create the appearance someone is home, when really no one is IT'S RIDICULOUS TO DO THIS TO ME. *RIPS OUT HAIR*

2. leaving shit/piss/god-only-knows in the toilet. NO TOILET PAPER. NO FLUSHING. READY TO STANK UP THE PLACE.

3. Instead of slipping my mail through the crack under my bedroom door, she'll leave it in the fucking hallway. Goddamn mutherfuck.

4. She will constantly ask me if I'm working. JUST RECENTLY. HOW ABOUT "NO, I'M PRETENDING TO GO OUT TO WORK AT MY JOB, WHEN REALLY I'M DEALING DRUGS OUT OF YOUR HOUSE" <-- TTLY FAKE, OK? Don't hold me to that, lol.

5. Putting my tupperware with hers. STAY OUT OF MY CUPBOARD.

6. There is a giant pile of clothes in the living room. It's been there for months. God knows what it really is. I should start throwing it out.

I've heard from the last tenant she was hard to get along with. She's a goddamn idiot. Once I get fulltime work at my job, I'm so moving out. Fuck this shit.

For all you who are wondering, to not meet the same fate of renting under MARILYN PASCUA in Kelowna, British Columbia
She strikes me as the slum-lord of a shitty couple of houses. She may sound nice but omg she's a fucking moron never stopping to consider others. She paints herself as this wonderful character but she's a narcassist bastard wasting money instead of fixing up her run-down slum-houses.

LOL I GUESS I GET WHAT I PAID FOR. I'd rather pay 700-900$/month for my own apt than 450$ for this shitty room that I have to share kitchen and bathroom and washing machines with that nasty, dirty woman.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

hello, I'm not dead 8D

...I've been constantly drawing pictures. The current one, from madeliene-elizabeth over @ deviantart is KILLING ME OMG. rofl. Why did I put so much detail into this... is gonna be so traumatic to colour, omfg. @_@

Has to work tomorrow.

Oh yeah. And uhm, I like cheese, I suppose. D: